Pre-Run Jitters

In realizing that I usually do an entry after a run when I'm feeling really great about my accomplishments, I also realized, that means nobody experiences the minor freak outs I have, especially before distance runs.

Today I am scheduled to run 29 km - 10 km farther than ever before, as I was unable to complete any previous distance runs.

I just finished mapping out my route - a little delayed, I usually do that during the week so I can mentally prepare. This week, I decided to put as much of my mileage away from the apartment. I found in the past, I got mentally exhausted zig-zagging back towards the apartment and still having half my run to do.

How am I feeling right now? My heart is beating a little fast knowing I'm going to go do this, that's making me feel a little wobbly in my arms. The weather is beautiful, so that keeps me happy, and I have White Oleander on my iPod to keep me distracted.

Jeff is still not entirely confident in his knee, so isn't planning on running. I don't think he wants to sit in the car for 3-4 hours again either, although it does give him time to study for his firefighter course. So, I may be on this one alone.

That freaks me out. There are a few bits out on country roads - what if I get tired. What if I get hit by a car? What if I run out of water and get disoriented and go the wrong way? I will run out of water, at least twice during the run - hopefully I'm not on a country road when that happens.

So, 29 km - that's 18 miles. I ran my last distance run at a 14.5min/mile, so this should take me about 4 hours and 20 minutes. Let's just round it up to 5, because I'm going to get tired and slow down in those last 10km that I've never run before.

Oh, and then there's the injury. I definitely haven't strengthened my butt muscles yet so I'll be expecting that cramp again, somewhere between the 10th and 18th km and I will have to push myself for another 18 or 10km depending on when it hits me.

Not fun.

So, yes, there is a lot of doubt pre-run. A lot. And accordingly, that adds up to more doubt leading up to marathon day. You'd think all this training would just equal more confidence, but I promise, it does not.

How do I get out there with all of this doubt running through my head? The truth is, I really don't know. Some days I just don't go, for real, and then I feel mad at myself. So, perhaps it's that mental trick - knowing how mad I will be if I don't even try. And plus, I made all the effort to get up early so that I can be back a few hours before work so I can have a nap. And I've put on my really comfy running socks, and my super cute running outfit, and well, people just deserve to see it.

Yeah, that's how I do it.