Moments

Well, as many of you know, being a diabetic meant I was categorized in the high-priority group for the H1N1 Vaccine. After pressure from family and friends, last Friday, I finally lined up for my shot. They warned of side effects such as fatigue but I felt fine.

So, the next day, I headed out to attempt my farthest distance run yet - 29km!

Let's just put it this way - despite the gorgeous weather, my positive attitude, and an absolute desire to do it, I only made it 4km before I felt like I couldn't lift my foot one more time. I am 100% blaming this one on the H1N1 Vaccine. I gave myself a few days off (minus some squats and lunges, as apparently I need to work on my butt muscles to avoid my one debilitating pain mid-run), but kept the 29km close by.

Yesterday, I woke up, wrote out my route, and mentally prepared myself with 3 degrees of goals, as I always do.

I'm not sure why I do this, but even during my mid-week runs I will say things to myself like 'I will be happy if I make it to that lamppost, happier if I make it to the stop sign, happiest if I make it to the next street'. As a non-runner, I have found that it's important to make goals about just getting somewhere, or just doing something, rather than about how fast I manage to do it.

So, this was the first mental mantra I repeated to myself yesterday morning "It's about finishing, not finishing fast". I paced myself, not pushing too hard to run any particular duration or speed, and allowed myself to walk without feeling bad about it, whenever I needed to.

My 3 degrees of goals were simple -

Good: Make it farther than ever before, meaning at least 19km

Better: Pass the Half-Marathon (21km) distance, as this was a previous goal that I didn't succeed at

Best: Actually finish the 29km scheduled.

Let's just put it out there now - I did all three.

I felt great as I passed the spot on Paisley where I had given up on Saturday and knew that I would do well, but I don't know that I believed I would manage the whole distance.

Luckily, Jeff was at work, so when I started to bottom out around 22-23km, I wasn't able to just climb in the car. I did, however, take a break at his mom's work, waiting for a 2nd wind before my last big hill and 8km. She offered me the keys to her van to drive home. I refused.

A kilometre later I was mad at myself for refusing lol.

Within my first kilometre, I almost got hit by a car leaving the Beer Store (that explains a lot, I know), and within my last 2 kilometres it happened again. Do people not look both ways before pulling out anymore? Do you not see me in my bright teal jacket running towards you? Don't try and beat me, you'll just look like an ass.

Somewhere between 10-15km, I lost my gloves. This wasn't a problem at first as my hands get really hot while running, and make the rest of me really hot. But around the time I discovered them gone, the wind had picked up, and my hands were frozen.

I paused on about 4 benches/curbs throughout the run - at my halfway point between Highway 24 and Conservation Road, at the Grange Plaza on Victoria, on a guardrail at College and Victoria, and a bus stop by the Village on the Arboretum on Stone. It felt good though and gave my brain a brief rest before continuing on.

But, the point of today is moments - high moments and low moments. That's the greatest experience within a distance run. The moment when you look behind you and realize, yep, that was a really big hill. The low moment when you realize that you had about 10 huge uphills and only 2 baby downhills the whole run.

The high moments - when you realize you've beaten one of those goals you set out, or when you pass a friend's house that just months ago you swore you couldn't run to. Or when you think you can't run another second in the last 5km, and yet you run for a further burst, and faster. The moments where you get yourself up off the curb and keep on going - when you realize that the blister you'd felt forming 20km ago has miraculously vanished, and you will finish this run.

And my ultimate favourite high moment - crossing that last street to finish your run. I try really hard in those moments to not jump up in the air, or fall to my knees in tears, as I'm sure the cars waiting at the stoplight will be extremely nervous.

Of course, there are low moments as well - like when you go into a busy Tim Hortons to fill up your water bottle and can't fit it in the sink so have to wait in line 20 minutes so they will fill it up. Although not really lol. Low moments are really just a high moment waiting to be born. For me, they are that minute sitting on the curb at the Grange Plaza before I go to bug Jeff's mom and hope she will talk me out of finishing the run (became a high when I kept going). Or the moment sitting on the guardrail at Victoria and College and highly considered cutting the run short and just running down College instead of up to Stone and down that. I turned that into a high by realizing it's just 2km difference, what's the point of not doing it?

Lows are the moments where your back aches, your toes feel like they are falling off, and you are all out of energy chomps and you realize - if Jeff were here right now, I would have given up.

Highs are the moments when you realize that, all alone, without anyone telling you to keep going but yourself, you keep going.

It's a good point for life - low moments are just high moments waiting to be born.

I'd like to take one more paragraph to acknowledge 2 more high moments that happened this week in terms of fundraising!

Thank you to Mr. Angevaare, from Bert Angevaare Ltd in Peterborough for sponsoring Jeff and I with a $100 donation! That's huge and incredibly appreciated

And a big thank you to Miss Ward and the Crestwood Secondary School Equity Committee who hosted a dance on October 30 and donated $2 from every entry to our cause! They have donated a total of $600 to our marathon!

So, in one week, we have almost knocked another $1,000 off of our final sprint! Thank you to everyone who has donated and thank you to those who are soon to donate to help us make our last $3,500!

Pre-Run Jitters

In realizing that I usually do an entry after a run when I'm feeling really great about my accomplishments, I also realized, that means nobody experiences the minor freak outs I have, especially before distance runs.

Today I am scheduled to run 29 km - 10 km farther than ever before, as I was unable to complete any previous distance runs.

I just finished mapping out my route - a little delayed, I usually do that during the week so I can mentally prepare. This week, I decided to put as much of my mileage away from the apartment. I found in the past, I got mentally exhausted zig-zagging back towards the apartment and still having half my run to do.

How am I feeling right now? My heart is beating a little fast knowing I'm going to go do this, that's making me feel a little wobbly in my arms. The weather is beautiful, so that keeps me happy, and I have White Oleander on my iPod to keep me distracted.

Jeff is still not entirely confident in his knee, so isn't planning on running. I don't think he wants to sit in the car for 3-4 hours again either, although it does give him time to study for his firefighter course. So, I may be on this one alone.

That freaks me out. There are a few bits out on country roads - what if I get tired. What if I get hit by a car? What if I run out of water and get disoriented and go the wrong way? I will run out of water, at least twice during the run - hopefully I'm not on a country road when that happens.

So, 29 km - that's 18 miles. I ran my last distance run at a 14.5min/mile, so this should take me about 4 hours and 20 minutes. Let's just round it up to 5, because I'm going to get tired and slow down in those last 10km that I've never run before.

Oh, and then there's the injury. I definitely haven't strengthened my butt muscles yet so I'll be expecting that cramp again, somewhere between the 10th and 18th km and I will have to push myself for another 18 or 10km depending on when it hits me.

Not fun.

So, yes, there is a lot of doubt pre-run. A lot. And accordingly, that adds up to more doubt leading up to marathon day. You'd think all this training would just equal more confidence, but I promise, it does not.

How do I get out there with all of this doubt running through my head? The truth is, I really don't know. Some days I just don't go, for real, and then I feel mad at myself. So, perhaps it's that mental trick - knowing how mad I will be if I don't even try. And plus, I made all the effort to get up early so that I can be back a few hours before work so I can have a nap. And I've put on my really comfy running socks, and my super cute running outfit, and well, people just deserve to see it.

Yeah, that's how I do it.

Anxiety

It's hard to believe but it's true, the marathon is just 5 weeks away (plus a day or two, but hey, good enough).

I was working on finding a good audiobook on iTunes to have on my iPod for my upcoming 29km distance when I realized that the only major run distances I have left before the marathon are this 29km tomorrow and a 35.5km in 2 weeks.

Cue the anxiety attack.

I haven't completed one of my major distance runs yet. My 24km ended up being a 19km because of serious pains in the front of my thigh. A discussion group I've been working that one through with thinks I need to strengthen my abs and butt muscles, so trying to do that. Although I'm also worried that I don't have sufficient time to do the exercises with great effect.

This pain is bad, and stops me from even wanting to walk - but I am hoping the sheer excitement on race day, and the beautiful scenery, will help me push through that pain.

Back to my 19km run though - it was very empowering. Mother Nature threw everything but snow at me that day and I ran the whole thing at a 14.5 min/mile, which is shocking for that distance. I was sure it would have been 16 or 17, but nope! Lots of monster hills that I felt amazing for getting up, heavy winds, rain, sunshine and heat at some points, and of course, my watch dying in the first hour. That made it hard to know how fast I was going!

Jeff had seriously injured his knee on a run before this though and so was unable to go with me. He turned back in the first 500m and came out in the car to wait for me every couple kilometres. That was really motivating for me as I kept pushing myself to get to the car (and get there before he expected me). It was also handy as he carried extra snacks in the car, and when I started to get low on water, I would give him my bottle and he would refill it while I kept running and meet me with it at my next walking break.

In total that day, I was out for just under 3 hours so am aiming for 4 hours tomorrow bare minimum. I'd like to run the full 29km tomorrow, as that would stop my anxiety about finishing the marathon, but if I can at least do 4 hours, I know I can do 5 hours in 2 weeks, and then be able to stay out for at least 6 on marathon day. The last half hour can be adrenaline. I hope.

Trying to get over the anxiety attacks I'm also trying to pick a race to run beforehand - maybe some of you can join me!

The choices are:

November 22nd, Whitby Waterfront. There is a 5k race, 10k race, and 10 mile race that day and as I am scheduled for a 6.5km training run, I would do the 10k race...

November 28th, Hamilton Grey Cup Downhill. This one is apparently a pub sponsored running series that involves free beer after the race and has a 4k or 8k - I'd need the 8k

December 5th, Guelph Santa Shuffle. Of course, these are usually fun races but there is a 5km and I'm scheduled for 8km that day, so it works out well.

Doing one of these races will not only give me some confidence about crossing finish lines, but they will help me to celebrate my accomplishments so far and prepare me for the energy and craziness of race day.

In other news, we received our trip information and will be leaving for Honolulu on December 10th.

I can't believe it's almost here.