Every day it's getting...harder...

Man, oh man, our bottle drive...what a total bust.

I have been saying that as long as we raise over $100, I will consider the event successful. Well, Jeff and I delivered flyers to about 120 houses last week (at 9:30pm, because of our already ridiculously busy schedule). Only 3 left out their empties.

Thankfully a few friends and family members donated their empties, so we at least managed to earn about $70, but still.

This is just getting painful.

Speaking of painful - yesterday I had an appointment at my endocrinologist's (diabetes doctor).

Long story short, I am no longer a student this fall, and so will be uninsured as of September 1st. Not a good thing for a Type 1 Diabetic, especially one on an insulin pump. Thankfully, the government provides a program that would cover a portion of my pump supplies quarterly, so I had the appointment to fill out the forms.

How this relates? I walked there and back - 6.1km. A nice thing to do on your day off if you ask me! And I did feel good about it, until the painful part kicked in.

Darn blisters. Ever since I got my new shoes, I keep getting blisters on the inside of my right heel - practically one on top of the other. I expect to have a stub for a foot by December at this rate.

I figured I just had to break in my shoes, which is why I've been wearing them whenever I can - but it's been a while now with no change. So I think I will have to go talk to the Running Room again.

So, blisters, everyone's doubts, behind on training, $2,000 behind the first deadline - combine it all and I can honestly say - I don't know why I haven't given up. Considering we covered in one of the first entries that I rarely follow through on anything. Example - I had hand written thank you cards after Jeff and I had our housewarming. I never sent them because I wanted a picture of Jeff and I to send in the cards. They are now sitting in a box.

Anyway, don't know why. Or at least, didn't know why. Until I was at my appointment yesterday, reading through my favourite book right now 'The Non-Runner's Marathon Guide for Women: Get Off Your Butt and On With Your Training'. This was a very cute Christmas gift from my Mom last year and I am finally back reading it (since I managed to finish this month's Book Club selection). Anyway, the author (who is very entertaining and reminds me a lot of myself), goes through some steps involved in 'The Decision'. I was particularly drawn to Step 4. Excuse my highlighting...those are my favourite parts.

"Step 4: Be Bold

After getting informed and taking your time and finding a friend or group to run with, it's now time to throw your hands up and say, "Screw it." Go ahead. Do it. Because if you're really going to train for a marathon, it inevitably means doing it against your better judgment. It's not going to make much sense; it's not going to seem possible that you signed yourself up to endure so much pain; and it's not going to be easy. Not even sorta. But one thing you'll learn after you cross the big finish line, and all the little finish lines in the middle, is that rarely will you find glory without struggle. The things that are easy? The things that make sense? Those aren't the things you talk about for years to come. They aren't the things you hang on your wall with pride. They are the things that will keep you from having to have knee-replacement surgery at age thirty, but we'll ignore that fact for the sake of inspiration right now.

When I was deciding whether to train, I had an overwhelming doubt that blanketed all my decision-making. All the 'You can do it's and the 'Go girl's were drowned out by 'Uh, no you can't's and the 'Girl, you crazy's running through my head. In the past, I'd experienced similar doubts and would back away from whatever was causing them. But when it came to the marathon, for the first time in my life I said 'Screw it', ignored the doubts, and went ahead with the training. (Interestingly, 'Screw it' was the first in a long string of curse words that would exit my mouth during my training.)

Now that I've survived a marathon, I find myself purposely seeking out the things that bring me doubt, because I know that's where the glory lies. Can I promise that you won't fail in your marathon attempt? No. But I can promise that you won't succeed if you don't bother to try."

I think now is a good time to thank all the people out there who are supporting Jeff and I in 'trying', and understanding that although we might be crazy, we aren't stupid. Inspiring if you will :) I'll take a little helping of that in the next few days.

And for those of you who still aren't convinced - we won't show you our medals in December. So there.